four years.

happy birthday to my sweet, precious, and perfect girl.  I cannot believe that four years has gone by since Ive held you.  four years seems like so much time but it also feels like just yesterday.  You are incredibly missed and there aren't words that I can describe from the ache that my heart literally feels when I think of you and wish you were here.  I don't know what these last years would have been like if you were here on earth but I without a doubt know they would have been filled with insurmountable love and joy.  You are missed at every family get together, fun outings, new traditions, and most of all the moments throughout the day that I would have loved just being your mama and watching you and your sissy play.  She thinks 'older' kids are the best thing since sliced bread, so I know she would love having her big sister here to follow around and admire.  I sure know that I would have loved every second having two girls to love on each and every day.      

I miss so much of you.  I miss all the things I never had the chance of enjoying with you.  I am so grateful for my hope and trust in Jesus.  I would not have the promise of holding you again without my faith in Him.  I just cannot imagine not seeing that sweet face again.

Emma, I cant wait to see you perfect and healthy in heaven.  And give you kisses for every second that you were gone and more.  
 Happy Birthday, sweet girl.  Mama and daddy love you to the moon and back and miss you more than words can say.  I know you are having such a wonderful birthday with Jesus and I long for the day to celebrate with you!    

Pregnancy and infant loss day

Today is pregnancy and infant loss day. 

I wrote this  post a few years ago.  I am not the same person as I was then.  I am not feeling the 'raw' pain of losing a baby when I wrote that.  I've had another perfect baby girl since then and have been blessed to have her here on earth for almost 2 years.  I am missing my first baby girl, though.  Always.  I miss her so much that I can literally feel it.  I always wondered what I would feel like years down the road.  And at almost 4 years since I had Emma, I still miss her.  Every single day.  Its not the same pain, but it's there. And I know It wont be going away.  When she died a piece of my heart went with her and I cannot wait to get to heaven to love on my baby girl.  I say all of this because it isnt just one day.  Losing a pregnancy or a baby, changes you.  It changes your life and most importantly, your heart. 

I dont understand the ways of my God, but boy do I trust Him.  It was not my will that Emma isnt here on earth with us.  But if I didnt trust Him, I wouldnt have the promise and hope that I do that surely only comes from Him.   The promise that I will be reunited for eternity with my Emma and the hope that He provides for my life.    

I am praying for all of you who has suffered a loss.  For those of you that are years out and missing your babies and those that are in the raw, physically aching pain.  Know that your babies aren't forgotten. 

I still cling to some of my favorite verses that got me through the darkest of days.   

'Be still and know that I am God' Psalm 46:10

'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden in light' Matthew 11:26.

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy" Psalm 126:5 

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding' Proverbs 3:5
   

I posted this on instagram last week.  My caption was 'My heart.  Minus one piece that is in heaven'. I miss that piece in heaven so much and she will never, ever be forgotten.   

***Please visit one of the following blogs for the Silent Auction for the Turner Family starting today as well!:

life sweet life

Sheshe made 

life in the green house 

knee deep in munchkin land

the getts times 

Blog day of silence

Blog/Twitter Day of Silence 10/10/2012

If you havent heard sweet Julee   tragically lost the love of her life on Saturday night.  Matt was killed in a car accident.  They have a 10 month of baby girl, Preslee, who is just sweeter than words. 

Matt's funeral is today.  I cannot fathom what Julee is feeling right now.  My heart is just aching for her and their families.  Please, please pray for Julee.  And anyone else who has lost someone.  If you feel led to help out and donate, please go to Jenna's blog where she has compiled a list of everyone who is helping the Turner's.  I cannot imagine losing my husband, best friend and daddy to my sweet baby girl.  I hate this for her.  I hate that all of their plans, hopes and dreams are gone.  Please, continue to pray for them.  And hold and treasure your loved ones close.  Life can change in an instant and although we have to trust in Him, it certainly isnt always easy.

giveaway for a great cause!

As an educator (prior to my sahm days) you REALLY become aware of the differences in each and every child.  Regardless of what you are taught, nothing fully prepares you for role as a teacher than first hand experience.  With learning and understanding that each child learns differently, it is a whole new ballgame when you have a student with a special need.  Regardless of that special need, they deserve to learn.  They WANT to learn.  They just learn differently.  Many times that extra attention and teaching comes at a price, that unfortunately some families cannot explore.  When Jordan approached me about an opportunity to help out families, in this case affected with Autism, I was more than happy to help out.  I hope you will too!

I am working with a few other bloggers along with Jordan and Tracy Meehan, Independent Stylist for Stella and Dot, has so graciously donated their “Lucky Charm” necklace for you to enter to win!    All you have to do is enter via Rafflecopter below...and shop the link below as well!

This giveaway will hopefully bring more awareness to Autism and support the Lawyers Autism Awareness Foundation which helps pay for therapy when families can’t afford to pay for it themselves. Tracy is hosting an online Trunk Show to benefit the Lawyers Autism Awareness Foundation as I mentioned above -and you can shop here.

Jordan is also helping to put on an event 9/20 in St. Petersburg, FL that helps families who are not able to afford therapies for the children who are affected by Autism.  If you are local to the area, you can purchase tickets for the event by using this link.

St.Petersburg/Tampa residents: the fundraiser will be at Push Ultra Lounge on September 20th at 5:30pm that you should go too!  Tickets can be purchased here. Great raffles, auctions items and more importantly, a great cause!


*a large majority of the proceeds from Tracy’s show will go to support the Lawyers Autism Awareness Fund. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

MN State Fair!

This past Saturday we went to the MN State Fair with my mom and in laws!  It was so much fun!!  We had Kal, and it started to rain about 3.5 hours in, which was a good time to head out.  I could have stayed longer but most (ahem, husband) were itching to go :) 

She is totally people watching.  Totally my child.  And where better than the state fair???

First stop was to see the dogs!  Kal was in heaven.  She loves them all and was not thrilled when we walked out of that building...

Kal and Nana

we walked through this adorable kids area - Sister loved it!

riding the tractor!

sweet girl :)

those chubby arm rolls kill me.  I wish mine were that cute ;)

We went past the Harley area, girl was obsessed and got so excited when she saw the motorcycles, ha ha!

mini donuts.  need I say more...

looking at the 'moo moo's with Mimi! 

kind of hard to see, but we rode the giant slide!  She loved it and wanted to go again and again...

our attempt at a family picture.  J was less than enthused, K was pre melt down and I was waiting on getting cheese curds.  Just keeping it real.

Mimi keeping Kal entertained so mama could shovel down MORE food

annnddd she was done.  Good timing because that was when it started to rain!

one last treat.  Okay thats not true...I also got a salted nut roll on the way out!  It was yummy.  Thank goodness the fair only comes around 1x a year........

Fish Taco's!

If you follow me on twitter or instagram, you know I am a HUGE fan of my hubby's fish taco's.  I could eat them every night if he would be willing to make them ;)  part of it may be that he is cooking Ahem.

Anyways, there are many that asked for the recipe, so here it is!  It might seem a little overwhelming, but it is pretty simple.  And seriously, so good.  And healthy? (I tell myself) And cheap (bonus points!)

The recipe is adapted from a pampered chef cookbook I have - calls for chicken but easily works for fish! 
We use frozen tilapia that are in individual packets - easy and cheap.

 I'm sure you can use other fish and fresh fish, too. 

Here are the ingredients:
Tilapia/chicken breasts - we have done with Chicken, but I LOVE the fish!
2 egg whites
2 garlic cloves
1/2 cup breadcrumbs (we use the Italian seasoned ones)
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
2 tbsp flour
Any other seasoning you'd want to add (Husband adds pepper and other spices for a little kick)

-mix the egg whites with the crushed garlic gloves in one bowl
-mix breadcrumbs and Parmesan cheese in another bowl - this is where
we add extra seasoning.  IE - pepper, cajun seasoning, lemon pepper
(or fresh lemon)
- flour will be separate on plate/bowl

Coat the fish (or chicken) with flour (both sides) then dip in egg
mixture and then finally coat with the breadcrumbs and parm cheese
mixture.

We have been cooking it on the grill, 5 minutes on each side on direct
heat (medium low heat).  Put the fish in foil, but you dont have to close it up, you can just flip the actual fish over after 5 mins. 
For chicken - bake on pan for 20-25 mins at 425
We use the small tortilla shells - and also cook them on the grill in foil for extra crispiness which really makes a difference for me.  So good.  Add your favorite taco fixings, and enjoy!

Hopefully I have everything here, let me know if you have any questions and ill ask my husband get back to you ;)  Happy eating!

Another catch up?

well, the title speaks for itself.  I feel like this is all Ill be doing until it gets cold here.  And by cold I mean 30 degrees.  Not the 60-70 degree days Ive been coveting recently.  I will definitely be enjoying those days.  Ahh Fall you need to get here soon!  Okay, back to the catch up....Here's a few things we have been up too:

 enjoying time with Uncle Chris before he goes back to college!  We however cannot wait for football to start, though!  (again, hurry up fall!)

 

 

 enjoying daddy's delicious fish taco's.  Seriously they are A-mazing.  I could eat them every day. 

 Enjoying birthday parties for sweet little girls who turned 2! 

 my sweet girl and I

 enjoying a Lime-A-Rita {or 2} when Kallers finally goes to bed....

 ....Oh wait, she came down after she was already in bed & asleep?  Awesome. Who wants to come sleep train Kal?  Well, its probably me who needs the training.....