American Saturday Night

I am so excited for tonight...Tonya, Bethany, Katie and I are going to see...

 Miranda Lambert....AND this handsome guy...

BRAD PAISLEY! 

I cant wait!  I hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday!  I know I will, as his tour is called American Saturday Night - how perfect!!  And although I love cowboys and everything south - I am sticking with our VIKINGS!  Beat down those cowboys tomorrow!  Cmon Brett! 

Have a great weekend and dont forget to cheer on those Vikes!

Dont worry Texan's...I will forgive you for cheering on your team as well...as long as they lose...

Beautiful Blogger

This past week has been busy and tons of fun - Josh's family from California came out to cold Minnesota!  We kept busy by eating, eating, and more eating.  Major diet time tomorrow for sure!!  They definitely keep us entertained :)  I will post some pictures when I get a chance - I have been without our laptop because our lovely Kobe decided to chew up my power cord!  This is the second one.  I am so annoyed. 

Our week and weekend was filled with friends and family and we had a ball.  I hope we can make it out to Cali before the summer...I am trying to convince my hubby.  He is in the middle of taking his CPA tests so unfortunately that plays a HUGE factor on our travel.  I would love to go - plus - 3 of my favorite people are going too!  It is so wonderful out there - I have a few blogging friends who are from there too!  Speaking of blogging friends Trisha gave me a beautiful blogger award!  Isnt she so sweet??!!  Thanks Trisha!!

The rules for this award are that I am supposed to share 7 things about myself and then send the award to 7 people.

7 things that you may not know (or want to know) about me: *by the way...I had to get some ideas from Trisha otherwise I would have only had like 3 things down...so thanks Trisha!!

1.  I have known Joshua since I was the mere age of 14.  We have known each other for 9 years.  Wow, that is a long time.     
2.  I am allergic to pinapple and strawberries.  I am also lactose intolerant...but I still eat things with cheese and milk because they are so good. 
3.  My birthday was on Sunday and I turned 23.  Yes yes I got married when I was 20 (almost 21) and had Emma when I was 21.  I have always wanted to marry young and have babies young.  Remember my ultimate dream is to be a mom? 
4.  I am half Danish and every December 23rd we have Lil Yuleoften (sp??) with our entire crazy Danish family.  We eat Danish food and dance around the Christmas tree while singing a Danish song...dont you wish you could join us??!!
5. My degree is in Elementary Education.  I am not using that right now and I miss it.  I student taught in a first grade at a private Christian school and I. loved. it.   
6.  I will never be the same person I was before we lost Emma.  Some who knew me before having our sweet Emma can see that, and it is ever so prevalent to me.  I was very naive back in the day about alot of things.  I am not that girl.  Never again will I go through the day without thinking of Emma.  I have developed a passion for others in a relative situation in my heartache and I pray that passion never leaves.  It keeps me going. 
7.  I am exhausted and my brain is fried...so something simple for my last one...I am slightly obsessed with the twilight series.  Love. Love. Love those books!!  Oh wait - this was supposed to be something you didnt know about me???!!  Ha only joking (not about the obsessed part).   

If you want to know any more info on how you can join our memorable Lil Yuleoften Christmas' or anything else about my wonderful life feel free to email me Here :)

7 blogs that I want to honor...

Katie
Katie is a wonderful friend who is just beautiful inside and out.  She has miss Hallie, who will be 2 at the end of January and just had her 2nd baby girl on December 31st and named her Harper Grace!  She is so stinkin cute!  We love this family to pieces and dont get to see them often enough!!
Bethany
Bethany is my dearest sister in law who more imporantly is such a wonderful friend.  She is a mommy to my beautiful niece Hopers and I just love our time together!! 
Courtney 
Courtney is a blog friend who is just simply adorable and so fun!  I love this girl!  Plus...we share the same wedding anniversary - yeah for winter weddings!!
Holly
Holly always seems to crack me up.  I cant wait to find out 7 things I might not know about her!!  ha!
Katie R
Katie has become so near and dear to my heart.  She lost her sweet baby Reese in August.  Reese is such a beautiful little girl who is loved and missed dearly & I know her and Emma are running around in heaven on the streets of gold.  I cannot wait to see both of their faces one day - praying for you always Katie! 
Destinee
Destinee is a great friend who I have enjoyed getting to know more this past 2 years.  She is all for cooking...but please friends, dont confuse that with baking!  Ha - :) 

Love you girls - cant wait to read all about you!!   

Well I am going to bed...if you read this and want to also fill out the 7 things & award - go for it, I am too tired to think of someone else & elaborate anymore!!  Have fun!!!

Goodnight!

Happy New Years!!

Happy New Year to all!!

I am looking forward to 2010.  2009 was a challenging and turbulant year for me (us).  Dealing with the loss of our sweet Emma was difficult to say the least.  We are still navigating ourselves through our new normal.  I feel like I have a pretty good "handle" on this new normal...and then ill see an adorable little girl with blonde hair and ill wonder if Emma would have had curly hair and so on and so forth.  Or ill hear the name Emma and I think my heart actually stops for a second.  Actually stops.  It is a little bittersweet going another year without Emma.  I know those years will continue to tack on and I know that our life on earth is miniscule compared to our eternity in heaven.  But it is still difficult to think about.  I will always have my moments and E will always have a piece of my heart in heaven.  She has an insurmountable place in my heart here on earth and I cannot wait to see her happy and healthy when I get there.  

I hope all of you have a wonderful new years!  Ill share my resolutions...and I am determined (right now) to follow through!!

• Grow in my relationship with God, which includes spending more time with him.  I want to make it a daily priority rather than my every 4 days or weekly laziness. 
• I also want to be a better wife.  I have taken alot of my hurt and anger out on Josh and he doesnt deserve it.  Fortunately for me he loves me even though I have had (have) many emotional breakdowns this past year.  What a great guy :)    
• I need to lose at least 20 lbs.  Seriously.  Goodbye chips, linguine, and chipotle.  We know its a love/hate relationship and from now on...I am going to hate you (hopefully)
• Now I dont know if this is a "resolution" more than a dream...but more than anything I want to be a mom to a child here on earth.  I trust that day will come...hopefully sooner than later but I am going to try my best not to worry and bring all my fears and desires to God.  That is what He wants.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Philippians 4:6
• I want to help others more often.  I have been on both sides (serving/receiving) and have felt that joy of helping others and know how much it helps when your going through a rough time in your life.  Those who come to your side when your at your lowest point will never be forgotten and will always have a special place in your heart. 

Happy New Years!! 

Ang

One Lucky Girl

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Ours was filled with so much food and family, how wonderful!! I unfortunately woke up sick on Christmas morning so I was unable to spend it with my family. I either had food poisioning or a really horrible flu. I am so glad to be done with that!! It lasted all day and then I was fine. Really weird. Thankfully I was feeling better on Christmas night and Bethany and I were raring to go for the after Christmas salesat Target, Patina & Gap. My 3 favorite stores. Ever. It was fun & I so enjoy the times we spend together! Thanks Beth :) I always spend too much money but always have tons of fun!!


I prayed many times for other moms who were missing their babies this Christmas holiday.  It isnt easy seeing everyone with their children, in their adorable outfits wishing your child could be with them. I thought of miss Emma so much, how old she would have been, what outfit I would be dressing her in, how much fun it would be to see her opening her gifts at the family events and at our house Christmas morning.  Everytime I had those thoughts, I prayed for God to get me through the night at least until I got home.  If that was too much it would be until I got out the door.  And honestly, some were just until I could sneak into the other room...and yes I did have to do that.  But I made it through, with a smile on my face.  I reminded myself that my sweet Emma was celebrating Christmas in Heaven, what an amazing time that was. She was with Jesus as they celebrated His birthday.  She is one lucky girl uh??!! 

I did enjoy seeing this sweet face this past week - I love my little Hopers so much and she is just so fun to be around!!  Isnt she so stinkin cute?   

Well this Vikings game is not fun.  They better turn it around ASAP.  Pathetic!  Maybe I am bad luck so I am going to work on cleaning the "guest room".  It has become a disaster zone and I started to tackle that yesterday morning. Josh's California family is coming and one of his cousin's is going to stay with us. I doubt he wants to sleep in mounds of Christmas bows and baby clothes.  

Oh one more thing...Hey Bethany!!!...Want to go see New Moon again?  I need to "check out" like we always say ;)  Ha! 

Ang

Happy 2nd Anniversary!!

2 years ago today I married my husband.  I dont know where I would be today without Josh.  I have known him for over 8 years.  Where does the time go?  I feel like it was yesterday that we were trying to rush out of our highschool classes to meet by the locker bays :)  Ha!  I couldnt drive when we met...didnt even have my permit!  We have been through so much in the last 8 years and even more in the past 2.  I wouldnt want to go through anything without Joshua and I am so glad he "gets" me and loves all of me...even my over emotional self!  Which has definitely been most of my self this past year. 

Here is a couple of pictures that I have on this computer...I have THOUSANDS more but ill just leave you a couple. 

My graduation party

On the Colorado River!  That was a great vacation!!

Hanging out at Jayson & Bethany's house

Lighting our unity candle

Leaving the wedding!  I was thrilled! 

At our reception - I was SO tired but it was such a wonderful day and night.  We definitely had a party!  Here are some other posts & pictures from our wedding Here & Here & Here

I think this is one of the 3 times in my life that we have danced together (2 were at the wedding) - so I was so happy!    

Here is Joshua holding our daughter.  In the first year of marriage we found out we were pregnant and had our daughter within that same year.  Then the next year was dealing with the loss of our daughter.  Boy I feel like we can make it through anything.  It isnt easy to deal with the loss of a child.  Josh has been my rock through all of this and I am so thankful to be able to be his wife. 

I love you Joshua!  Happy 2nd Anniversary!  I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you and make many more memories. 

Love,

Angie

Exhausted or not

I was the only one in the office today and the only one in there tomorrow. My boss took my co-workers and their spouses to his home in Florida for 4 days for our Christmas party. I was bummed I couldnt go on the Florida trip, but due to my medical anomolies I was unable to travel. Since I couldnt go, I was going to be "positive" anyways. Well I was "glad" that I would have 2 days to get work done with minimal interuptions & hopefully get caught up on alot of things. Well let me tell you, with things consuming your mind such as this & this I can tell you one thing - being alone all day is NOT a good thing. My mind started to wander and I think I was crying by 10 am. I am missing my sweet girl this Christmas season. I am one emotional wreck (when I am alone...). Then having this miscarriage has made it a little more difficult to suffocate my feelings or suffice them for the work day. I honestly dont know where the day went, and dont know if I got anything done. So I decided to leave at 4:20 to try and beat some of the traffic and boy...It was absolutely horrible. Words cannot even describe. I thought being alone at work was difficult...try being alone in a car hardly MOVING. Thankfully I was able to BLAST the radio and try to tune out the rest of my mind that wouldn't stop going.  It helped a little, but only until the multiple commercials came on and all of the sad songs.  

Ugh.  Been a rough night.  I love the holiday season, but sometimes (okay, many times) it does bring back some difficult memories & heartache.  I long to hold Emma right now, I would be snuggling up with her and enjoying ever second of it, exhausted or not.   

I feel like I always put this picture up - but I just love it.  She looks oh so sweet & peaceful.  I would give anything to snuggle her up & kiss that sweet nose right about now....

Be strong & courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Deuteronomy 31:6

Angie

I cannot wait for that day

Can you believe it is December??!!  I cannot believe where this time has gone.  I love Christmas time and everything around the holiday season.  I was so happy to come home this past week to read all of the  December posts and look at the festive Christmas decorations.  So fun!  I changed my background to get in the spirit - and my next "to do" is to add some Christmas music to my playlist!  I will have a festive blog then!  I have been listening to Christmas music since before November 1st (and admittedly the New Moon Soundtrack as well) and I just love it. 

I would be lying if the holidays are just all happy and I love them all the time.  It should have been Emma's first Christmas.  It is hard to go to all of the family things without her and to act like we are healed and "better".  Oh how I would love sharing in this wonderful season with her.  I am doing well for the most part - but it is still difficult.  Last year at this time was extremely difficult and I am grateful to be past the rawness of that pain.  But all of those memories and dreams are still in my head and I still have my moments.  And of course, nothing could bring back those hurtful & heartbreaking feelings like what I am about to share with you...(and if you know me in real life please dont share with others - as I havent brought all my family up to speed on everything mainly because I dont want to worry them...thank you)- but I feel like I can share & it will explain while I have been so unexplainably (sp/word??) absent in blogging land.  Ill start off by saying this.  I am sad. angry. hurt. tired. overwhelmed. terrified. frustrated. hopeful.  It is amazing to me that I can even say that last word but I am being completely honest.  Ill try to explain all - please bear with me....     

On Monday November 17th I decided to take one of these...

and I got this...

and I was a little surprised so I took 2 more...

and then 2 more of a different brand just in case...

So yes in total I took 5 pregnancy tests.  Crazy?  Maybe.  Scary?  Inevitable when you have lost a child.  Exciting?  Of course.  And they all said the same thing, actually they practically screamed pregnant!  Well like I said, I was a little surprised - but excited nonetheless.  Then in rare form - the journey began.  Once again.  I didnt know my exact "dates" ill say, so I called my dr and was told to come in for an ultrasound and beta testing to see what we could figure out.  I had the ultrasound the day before Thanksgiving and The past 2+ weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions...

I went in for an ultrasound so they could do measurements of my cervix & determine dates, etc & found out 4 different things. Ill spare you all the details - but basically the pregnancy is not viable.  It has been a waiting game since that first u/s and I am just sick of it.  I had more tests & another u/s on Friday - and they said the same thing.  It has been a long weekend and the worst part is we still dont know exactly what is going on and our next steps.  I am hoping to find out a little more today.

I am hopeful.  I know that is because of the family & friends that are praying for me right now & because I am still trusting Him.  Dont get me wrong - I shared above my WIDE range of emotions that I have/had over the past 2+ weeks and they are anything but hopeful.  I have not felt hopeful this entire time.  But I do now.  Not with this pregnancy (because it has already been determined) but with a future one.  My lifelong dream is to be a mom.  I am a momma to Emma, my sweet first born, yet I dont get to have her here with me.  I know it will happen though & I cannot wait for that day.     

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run & not grow weary; they will walk & not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31

Angie