Tonight is my first night of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and all I can say is oh my. I started it at 8:00 and at 8:04 I was dying. Literally about to pass out. I don't know how I made it through all 20 minutes (yes that is it!) and survived. I think I looked at the clock every chance I got and it always said 8:09. I felt like I had been doing it for an hour already! I know if I can keep this up - I will see results (hopefully). I need to see results, as I am just sick of looking and feeling this way. Losing a baby is hard enough to have to be frustrated and completely annoyed with yourself to add to it. So Jillian - please shred my lbs! I will be so thrilled if this works! Day one - check! Now just the 29 more days to go...agh! My thighs are already sore as I am laying in bed...this is going to be a long month of whining on here - just an fyi :)
Tomorrow is August 6th. I cannot believe how fast the time flies around here. 9 months since I delivered my sweet baby girl. 9 months is how long I should have been pregnant for. I remember when I first got pregnant I thought how 9 months is forever away. Although I cannot believe that it has already been 9 months, I still have my days of wondering how everyone else continues on with their lives (unfortunately myself mostly included in that) though Emma isn't here with us. Why doesn't everyone else stop on the 6th of every month? Why doesn't everyone else get tears in their eyes and a pain in their heart when they hear or see the name Emma? Why doesn't everyone else replay every event that occurred that day she was born over and over in their head incessantly? Will that change? I am not sure. But I do know that even though I feel these things and have these thoughts, I know God is protecting me and providing for us in more ways that I can say. When I have those thoughts/feelings I will talk and pray to Him and He gets me through it. Every minute, every second of every day. Thank you Lord, for protecting and loving me with all you have.
I am working on Emma's story - so stay tuned, for those who do not know all of the details. I thought it would be good to have it out there, as that is what this blog was founded/created on. Oh and for my workout complaints...
goodnight my sweet princess - mommy misses you to pieces.