Thursday, December 10, 2009

Exhausted or not

I was the only one in the office today and the only one in there tomorrow. My boss took my co-workers and their spouses to his home in Florida for 4 days for our Christmas party. I was bummed I couldnt go on the Florida trip, but due to my medical anomolies I was unable to travel. Since I couldnt go, I was going to be "positive" anyways. Well I was "glad" that I would have 2 days to get work done with minimal interuptions & hopefully get caught up on alot of things. Well let me tell you, with things consuming your mind such as thisthis I can tell you one thing - being alone all day is NOT a good thing. My mind started to wander and I think I was crying by 10 am. I am missing my sweet girl this Christmas season. I am one emotional wreck (when I am alone...). Then having this miscarriage has made it a little more difficult to suffocate my feelings or suffice them for the work day. I honestly dont know where the day went, and dont know if I got anything done. So I decided to leave at 4:20 to try and beat some of the traffic and boy...It was absolutely horrible. Words cannot even describe. I thought being alone at work was difficult...try being alone in a car hardly MOVING. Thankfully I was able to BLAST the radio and try to tune out the rest of my mind that wouldn't stop going.  It helped a little, but only until the multiple commercials came on and all of the sad songs.  
Ugh.  Been a rough night.  I love the holiday season, but sometimes (okay, many times) it does bring back some difficult memories & heartache.  I long to hold Emma right now, I would be snuggling up with her and enjoying ever second of it, exhausted or not.   

I feel like I always put this picture up - but I just love it.  She looks oh so sweet & peaceful.  I would give anything to snuggle her up & kiss that sweet nose right about now....

Be strong & courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake youDeuteronomy 31:6



  1. Sweetie.. Im sorry you are having such a hard time right now... I know I can not begain to understand.. but I am praying and thinking of you many times a day. I hope that makes you feel a little better... I love you & call me if you need a friend, to chat or just for a hug(I'm so close I can come over)! Im serious babe ;) I hope to see you tomorrow night??

  2. So sorry it's been so long since I've come for a visit and I'm so sorry that things have been so rough lately. I've been feeling overwhelmed but several things lately too and last night I felt the Lord telling me that I should stop trying to take everything on all my myself and let him carry the load. It's so easy to get lost in our thoughts and not let Him take over. I'll be praying for you and hope that things will get better!

  3. I have a 13 month old angel in heaven. For the difficult holiday time, I always buy a new candle and light it every night in December and then all day and night on the 25th, it helos me remember she is with me always


  4. Alone is the worst thing for a grieving mommy. My days alone are so hard!!! Email me when you have a day alone. I'll be your friend!


  5. Hi Angie,

    I'm a total stranger but just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you as you take this journey of healing and faith. And I pray that Christmas will be filled with peace and God's grace for you and your family.


  6. Hi Angie,

    I'm also a total stranger, but also a mother who has lost a baby. I found your blog through Katies Keepers. I just wanted to let you know that I will pray for you through this holiday season. I know how incredibly hard they can be. I pray God fills you with peace, and wraps his arms around you. God bless


  7. Angie ~ You post that sweet picture of Emma anytime you want! I love it and especially her little hand under her chin.

    I'm sorry you've had a rough time. I'm thinking of you and carrying you in my heart.

    You're right, GOD will never leave us! What an awesome truth.

  8. I came across your blog from Looking for Blue Sky----I just lost my daughter thia last year and am expecting is been a tough few months. I noticed you likve in Minnesota and are a Vikings fan---I am your neighbor in Iowa--and also a HUGE Vikings thought I better drop you a note!

    Your little Emma is adorable---and post as much as you want---that's what moms do!!!!


Thanks so much for your sweet comments!