real

I know this blog has come to be ALL about our sweet Kallen.  But that is our life right now, and I couldnt feel more blessed than to be able to document this part of our lives.  So it is all about Kali and I love it.  Especially since I am so bad at documenting/scrap booking!  I know many came from reading about our first baby girl Emma, who we miss so dearly.  I know that there are so many out there that are still struggling with empty arms after losing a child(ren), miscarriages, and infertility and I couldnt feel more for you.  The 2 years between losing Emma before having Kallen was ANYTHING but easy.

Growing up I wanted nothing more than to be a mom and wife.  I grew up around kids with my mom having an in home daycare, babysitting and then nannying through my college years.  I could not wait for the day that I would have my own little babe to love on.  I wouldn't say I was completely oblivious to pregnancy complications, but boy thinking back now, I didn't have a clue to what that really meant for the person enduring whatever they were going through.  After losing Emma, I knew that I would appreciate every moment with my future children, not that I wouldn't before, but it is just different.  [I am not by any means saying that those who haven't gone through some sort of loss/infertility don't love and appreciate their kids, because I know they do.  I am just explaining from my experience and how my thoughts changed since losing Emma and having miscarriages as well].  I have become a little crazy with Kali now, and I find myself not wanting to leave her, saving the most random things, and taking thousands and thousands of pictures.  It is such an amazing thing to be a mom and I don't want to miss a beat (pretty apparent by my admitted craziness).

I miss Emma so much.  I didnt think I could miss her more, but as each day passes I really believe I do.  I am not having emotional meltdowns every other day, but I just dearly miss her.  I know she is in the best place and I cannot wait to see her again.  I know that God sent us Kallen to really help my broken heart.  It will never be the same as it was before Emma, but I dont want it too.  Having Kallen is the absolutely most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me (besides marrying her daddy :).    Kali hears all about her big sister in heaven and will continue to for the rest of our lives.  We will never not talk about Emma as a part of our family. 

Just wanted to be real for a minute and also let you all know who are still enduring a painful journey that your not forgotten, and you are prayed for so often!   


Okay off my soapbox now...

I couldnt leave without a picture of our little sass.  She definitely has some attitude (I wish I could get a picture of her 'pout' - you would seriously die!) but I secretly love it!!