One more day

I cant believe it has been a year since I had Emma.  It has been a year since she was alive and well and kicking in me.  It has been a year since I held my sweet precious baby girl.  It has been a year since I kissed her head and looked at her 10 fingers and toes.  I cannot believe we have made it through this year without her, but we have.  God has graciously brought us through the worst year of our life with many things we were so blessed with.  I am so glad I was chosen to carry Emma, and though I wish she was here, we know she is healthy and by our Makers side.  What a wonderful place to be.  She has changed us for the better.  I dont take anything for granted, especially a health pregnancy and baby.   It truely is God's given miracle and I dont know how much I will ever be able to stress that enough.  

I have had many tough moments this year.  I do not even know how many times I have cried said to Josh - "I am just having a moment!" or how many times I ask God why we couldn't have Emma.  I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom but I dont.  The only words I have are that we wouldnt be where we are today with Him. 

I got a facebook message yesterday, on Emma's birthday.  It was from a friend of Josh and mine - he said he had thought of us when he heard it and wanted to share.  It was called One More Day by Rocekt Club.  I had never heard it so I went to itunes, purchased it and was in tears as I listened to the first line in the song.  I facebooked him back telling him how much I loved the song and that today was Emma's birthday.  He had no idea.  Definitely a God thing, he couldnt have sent it to me at a better time.  I think I have listened to it at least 100 times in the past day.  At least.  I tried to add it to my playlist at the bottom but playlist.com doesnt have it yet.  Ugh!  So here is the song - it was written by a dad who lost his daughter at 38 weeks (I believe) to a cord accident.  This dad is Mark Lacek, and he and his wife Susan founded Faith'sLodge in honor of their daughter, Faith.  It is a wonderful organization and I hope to attend one day.  Incase you havent listened to the song yet - listen HERE.  (itunes is better quality but you do have pay the 0.99 :)  Make sure you have a couple kleenex's.  It is focused on losing his daughter, but we all know the feelings are mutual for a sweet baby boy as well :) 

Here is the letter I wrote to Emma last week.  I will post later this week on what we did on her birthday, along with some pictures but blogger will not let me post them for some reason right now.  Anyways I am emotionally spent right now and am going to bed.  

Emma,

Happy birthday sweet girl!  I cant believe you would be one year old.  Emma there is not a day that goes by that I am not thinking about you.  I wonder so many things - who you would act like (I am sure you would have your daddy's craziness) and what color hair you would have.  I wonder if you would have been a great sleeper or if you would have had me begging for my sanity cause this momma needs her sleep (I am guessing the 2nd of the two - especially with your daddy's craziness!).  But then I remind myself that you are perfect in heaven.  I cannot wait until the day comes that I get to see your face again.  Where I can pick you up and tell you how much I love you and have missed you so much.  I am so thankful for you and you have made me a better person.  I have wished that you were here with us so many times I cant even count.  I find so much comfort that I will get to see you again.  My heart will be bursting with joy.  I love you to the moon and back and you will forever be in my heart.  You are loved and missed by so many,  I cant wait for you to meet them in heaven.  I just know you will steal their hearts.     

Happy first Birthday Emma.  Mommy and daddy miss you so much.  You are loved sweet girl! 

Love, Mommy. 

Thank you for your fervent prayers for us.  

In Him,  

Angie