Not without faith

On the 31st of October last year I was on bedrest with Emma.  On November 2nd I had to go the hospital for a complication in my pregnancy.  I stayed overnight and was discharged on the 3rd.  I was told that I would be admitted on Friday November 7th for the remainder of my pregnancy.  Then I delivered my sweet, precious, baby girl on Thursday November 6th, 2008.  I was 23 weeks pregnant.  She lived for 3 hours.  To say the first week in November is emotional for me is a slight understatement.

As the music started playing in church this morning and I sang Blessed Be Your Name and Stronger, the tears were continuously streaming down my face.  It isnt unheard of that I cry in church, but the first 2 songs in is pretty early...but both of those songs have such strong words that hit home.  Pastor Bob continued in our series Not Without You, and the topic for today was Not Without Faith.  Fitting.  Pastor Bob described obedient faith as doing what God wants you to do and go without knowing the outcome and trusting him the whole way.  We need to take that step of faith and trust Him no matter what.  No questions, no worries.  I dont know where I would be today without my faith in God.  I know this week and Friday will be difficult, maybe it is the anticipation, so then I should say that I know the anticipation of this week is hard.  I really dont want to go to work tomorrow, or any day this week for that matter.  Seeing everyone able to go about their day and normal life is sometimes difficult.  But I am going and I will take that step of faith and know that God will be with me.  When I am missing my girl the most He is there.  I am so thankful for that.     

Now I am not near perfect and I am not saying that this is an easy thing.  I have cried 3 times today.  I wish I could just curl up in my bed this week.  I don't want to go through the upcoming holidays that I love so much without Emma.  I want to buy her the most adorable red Christmas dress to bring her to church in.  But that is not what was chosen for us.  I will have faith and trust that God is bringing us to a place of much joy and no more sorrow.  That our faith will be a witness to others because of Emma and that her legacy will live on forever. 

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy" Psalm 126:5

Thanks for walking this journey with us.  You mean so much to me.

Angie