Tuesday, July 28, 2009

When you can't trace His hand, TRUST His heart

Last night I decided to read Josh's Max Lucado, The Devotional Bible: Experiencing the heart of Jesus". I started at the book of Job - and so many things became so clear to me. I skimmed the book of Job after we lost Emma, and I related to it and was so thankful for that. I knew God hadn't abandoned me and that He was still with me even when I felt so unbelievably alone, so lost, at my lowest point. That is what I got out of it then, that is what I needed then. Last night I had a different perspective. (Isn't the bible a great source for advice and comfort?!) I understood and related to Job a whole other way - it just clicked...

Let me elaborate. This is how the devotion started out (those that read devotional bibles know the layout but I thought I would describe anyways...)- It is easy to thank God when he does what we want. But God doesn't always do what we want (obviously*) Just ask Job...(or myself, other moms who lost their babies, and many others*)...

Then it proceeded to have an "inspiration" portion on the side which I thought was perfectly said, speaking to me, of course: The struggles that you're going through now - don't discard them. Listen to God as he teaches you so that you can teach others. You see - a time of suffering teaches us something we never knew before and may prepare us for a time of counsel that we will give someone years from now. God is with you. God is with you! The same God that guided His Son through death and back to life said He will never leave us or forsake us. He is right there with you, perhaps even more in times of crisis than any other time.

Oh isn't that the truth!!

Then there was a "How this applies to you section": Ask God how your suffering can bring you closer to Him. Then thank the Lord for He is a good God no matter what I (or anyone else) am going through.

God is God. He knows what he is doing when you cant trace his hand, trust His heart.

Job said "The Lord gave these things to me, and He has taken them away. Praise the name of the Lord" (In all that Job endured - he did not sin/blame God).

I am striving to be half the person Job was. I confess - I have asked God why. Why were we chosen to endure this pain? I have cried and cried and cried some more, I wanted to know why. I don't believe God did this - Do I believe God could have intervened? Yes. He is an all AMAZING and Powerful God. He performs miracles and answers prayers all the time. He answered many of our prayers before I delivered Emma, when we first learned of my water breaking- I was told it would be unlikely to make it a week without delivering. I was sent home on bedrest and pleaded with God to make it another week - I made it 6 wks. My doctors were astounded. I prayed to feel any movement, as that was my only reassurance she was still fighting when I was laying in bed counting the seconds - and I did. He answered my prayer to have a fighter, a baby who would fight for every last breath - and Emma was. She was born with a strong heartbeat and was perfect...For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). My doctors thought Emma would be small for her gestational age, yet she was spot on for everything. Perfect in every way.

Oh boy did God answer so many of our prayers. I know He will continue to answer our prayers and I hope and pray He answers prayers for others. I have been praying especially for Kate and Stellan. I found them through the blog world, what a great added support system and place for more prayers. I know there are many, many more prayers and heartache out there. Just because you might not think God is answering your prayers the way you think he should, know He is with you and will never forsake you. Rely and trust in Him. Cry out and Run to Him. He hears every thought and every cry.

Okay I think that is enough for tonight...Props for hanging in this long! Goodnight!


*my personal input added :)

6 comments:

  1. Beautiful post! I'm glad that you can find other women on here who have gone through the same thing as you and relate.

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  2. You're right. We are thinking the same things. Weird how that happens.

    Thank you for sharing your devotional. It really helped me this morning. I've been feeling down because after I wrote my post last night I discovered that I'm not pregnant...again. Every month it's so hard. I do feel that I'm suffering. I need to focus more on what God is teaching me and not how sad I am.

    Hugs,
    Trisha

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  3. Angie...what a beautiful post and awesome reminder of the awesome God we serve. Thank you so much, again for sharing what's on your heart.

    I also wanted to ask you a question. Have you ever shared the entire story from the beginning of your pregnancy and what happened with Emma here on your blog? I would like to read more from the beginning if you are comfortable with sharing.

    Thanks so much for your comments too! Maybe one day when you make it back to CA we can meet in person! :)

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  4. Thanks for posting this. I am encouraged so much by you and the other "baby lost" moms in the blog world. Know that I'm praying for you and that we are on this journey together.

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  5. Hi Angie! This is such a wonderful post. I just had to stop by and thank you so much for your order from my boutique. I am so sorry that you are having to walk this road and I will keep you in my prayers. Emma is so beautiful.

    Your wedding dress in your other post was gorgeous!

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  6. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


    Patricia

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Thanks so much for your sweet comments!