Clearly not sleeping again...so thought I would post what is on my mind to hopefully help with that! On Saturday morning Joshua and I will be leaving for California to go to his cousin's wedding. I havent packed yet or even thought about it really. All that I can think of is Emma should be here. I should have all her clothes laid out, packing wayyyy to much "just in case". But instead nothing. Not a thing.
And then throw Father's day into the mix. Just another thing practically everyone is talking about! I thought Mother's day was hard. I dont think Father's day is going to be any easier- as I am just hurting for Josh. He would have been the best daddy to Emma. I so wished to see him hold her, play with her and tell her about life. He would have been sooooo overprotective but what daddy shouldnt be? I longed to see their relationship and I wont be able to see that. I am looking forward to getting past all of these "firsts" without Emma. It brings you back to that raw, open wound that is stinging so so badly.
I am looking forward to leaving for another break. I dont know if I will really be able to "escape everything" because of other reasons but at least it is time off from work. I am not staying the entire trip...as I couldnt because of work, but I am okay with that. I love going to Cali and visiting Josh's family- they are so wonderful and we are always entertained and have an awesome time. I am sure it will feel different, tears may (will) be shed (in private of course :), but all in all I know I will enjoy the trip.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11