Tonight I am hanging out at home. Josh gets back from California tomorrow and I had all of these plans of deep cleaning the house, guest bedroom organized (right now it is my "laundry room"- which means disaster) and make a cake or some sort of treat to surprise him. That was my plan at 3 pm today at work. The sun was shining, I was in a good mood, looking forward to Josh coming home. And then I got home, walked into our house and I was sad. I should have a little baby girl with me. We would have definitely had a play date today, it was just so nice out.
Instead I am watching Sleepless in Seattle, laying on the couch and crying off and on. Tom Hanks says a line and I start crying. It is almost on cue. I am at the beginning where he is talking about his wife (his wife died) and says "I miss you so much it hurts" and I lose it. Oh I know those words all to well. Grieving the loss of a child physically hurts. My heart hurts. I don't think I have ever felt an actual heartache before losing Emma. I have a pain in my stomach and just feel weighed down.
I am looking forward to the hubby coming home. I miss him. Well back to the movie. Back to thinking of our baby girl and missing her so much it hurts.