Tonight I am hanging out at home. Josh gets back from California tomorrow and I had all of these plans of deep cleaning the house, guest bedroom organized (right now it is my "laundry room"- which means disaster) and make a cake or some sort of treat to surprise him. That was my plan at 3 pm today at work. The sun was shining, I was in a good mood, looking forward to Josh coming home. And then I got home, walked into our house and I was sad. I should have a little baby girl with me. We would have definitely had a play date today, it was just so nice out.
Instead I am watching Sleepless in Seattle, laying on the couch and crying off and on. Tom Hanks says a line and I start crying. It is almost on cue. I am at the beginning where he is talking about his wife (his wife died) and says "I miss you so much it hurts" and I lose it. Oh I know those words all to well. Grieving the loss of a child physically hurts. My heart hurts. I don't think I have ever felt an actual heartache before losing Emma. I have a pain in my stomach and just feel weighed down.
I am looking forward to the hubby coming home. I miss him. Well back to the movie. Back to thinking of our baby girl and missing her so much it hurts.
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I'm so sorry Angie.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying that today is a better day for you.
Hey Angie,
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by to say hi and thanks for the comment. I've read all your past posts and I just wanted to say I am so sorry for all you've been through. I cannot even pretend to know what you've experienced, but I just want you to know I will be praying for you. I do think that writing about your Emma girl will help to be a therapy of sorts. I will keep following along with you on your journey here if that's okay with you.
Thanks so much also for your hat orders and all your support with my hats. It's sweet people like you that help me so much when I'm tempted to just give up on my hats altogether.
It's so nice to finally put a face to your name and please feel free to stop by my blog anytime!
I was also going to ask you...what part of CA were you guys visiting? I'm here on the central coast a few hours north of Los Angeles.