Sunday, June 7, 2009

Praise You in this storm

Today, May 6th, 2009 marked 7 months without our sweet baby girl. If Emma would have lived, she would have been 7 months old today. If Emma was born on time (early March) she would be 3 months old. If Emma could have stayed in a couple more weeks, week, day...she might still be here. If, if, if....

Many if's have consumed our lives in the past months. I stop in my tracks at so many things, some prepared for, some not. I have 2 examples: A: Seeing and hearing about graduations. I have friends graduating from college and know of others graduating from high school. Josh and I will never get to see Emma graduate hs or college. We wont know what she would be like, her personality, looks, traits, etc. Would she have known what she wants to be? Or would she go to college unknowingly to find out? Oh so so many thoughts and questions...
B: Trips/vacations. We are going on a trip this coming month, that has been planned for quite some time. We originally planned on being so stressed on packing for a 3 month old, so many things to bring, an interesting plane ride and a fun household with 2 babies and a couple of teenagers :) Instead we are going "stress free", packing like any other trip and just able to "relax" as we dont have anything or anyone to consume our lives on our hands. This is a bit difficult... Emma should be there, I should be stressing out beyond belief right now about how many diapers I will need to pack and if I have enough time to even think about packing Joshua's things- or if this will be the marking of a new era when he will have to pack himself. (Scary if you know josh!)

I so wish Emma was here. There is not a day that goes by that I dont miss that sweet little girl. The little girl I longed for and prayed for. There were so many things I wanted to do with my baby girl. Cousin play dates, walks, BOWS (Oh how I love bows!) and those adorable little dresses. I wanted to tell her so many things, read her Baby Beluga (one of my fav books) and Brown Bear, Brown Bear (another fav) a million trillion times in just one day. I could go on forever.

After writing all this, it brings me to the title of this blog. And I will praise YOU in this storm. If it is not obvious by my words, I feel like I am in a storm. One of those crazy, "can you believe this" kind of storm. It lets up, but then comes back full fledged when we are least expecting it. I can predict some of the bad weather but the worst is when you cant see it coming. I have never experienced this kind of storm before. I pray that no one will ever have to feel/experience it either. But because I cannot change the past, I will be praising God in this storm. "As your mercy falls, ill raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away, And ill praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands, for you are who you are, no matter where I am. And every tear I cry, You hold in Your hand, You never left my side. You know my heart is torn, and I will praise You in this storm.

So I close this first post with this song. What a great song, especially if you are living in a storm...

Praise you in this storm

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